Every year around this time, we start to see the emergence of ugly sweaters. Scientists have tried to explain it, to no avail; it seems the ugly sweater is one of those things we love, but just can’t make sense of. We cover them in trees, snow, bells, lights and occasionally yetis, some of them even rival the mighty Christmas tree in their festivity; why do we do this? It’s not just Christmas though, there’s ugly sweaters for every holiday.
To help make sense of this strange behavior, we’ve enlisted the help of several delightful doggies wearing ugly sweaters, for educational purposes. Perhaps this will clear things up.
1. Let’s start with a simple one.
This shouldn’t look this nice! It’s supposed to be ugly, but for some reason, it’s absolutely irresistible. Maybe it’s something in the wrinkles.
2. A little bit more complicated, but still darn cute.
We will get to the bottom of this and figure out just what it is, that makes it cute.
3. Slightly more festive.
This one has woven Christmas-style thingies to make it more festive, but also more ugly. At the same time, why does this make it more cute?
4. This sweater has a tighter weave with some bumpy bits on a ring around the middle.
Adding not only texture, but also a sense of depth to the ugliness, and by doing so, increased overall cuteness as well. The bold colors and turtle neck are just awesome.
5. He’s taken the fleece approach, giving a nice retro look while staying with the ugly design style.
He’s almost the cutest little lumberjack ever. Ugly or not, this dog has found a sweater that fits perfectly and allows for his unusual/amazing sleeping position. That sweater may be the only thing stopping him from a comfort overload causing him to fuse with his bed.
Now for some serious sweaters.
6. This is absolutely stellar.
A tightly woven sweater with a Christmas-themed hair collar/mane, speckled with Santa sprites, Christmas trees and even reindeer. This is one heck of a Christmas sweater, possibly the strongest on the list.
7. This sweater isn’t ugly at all.
In fact, it’s almost immaculate until you count the ball-spiked collar around the neck. The strangeness and cuteness is only boosted by the white antlers on top. You’ve combined the sweaters of humans, with the antlers of reindeer and the neck thing of the best dinosaur in Jurassic Park (the one that spits on Wayne Knight in the car). All things considered, this is one great outfit and an undeniably cute pup.
8. These sweaters are perfect, while they aren’t the ugliest, they make the best use of the already adorable neck folds.
Lets break these down one-by-one: the one on the right has the comfiest sweater in existence, not only does it fit him perfectly and provide hideous patterns, it complements his wrinkly face by giving him an extra neck fold. The one on the right is a snugly fit complex mishmash of bold Christmas colors that also does wonders for his magnificent neck.
9. These three have found some marvelously ugly sweaters to warm their walk.
They all have hats too, one of them even proclaiming the ugliness of the sweater in the true spirit of the holiday. The matching pants are a sign of unfaltering dedication to the cause, but thats not all that matches. Her boots and his scarf, his and her gloves and the doggie’s sweater and hat were all carefully picked to piece together this glorious ensemble of Christmas spirit that demonstrates what the holidays are all about, wearing an ugly sweater and spending time with your family.
I think we’ve figured it out:
number of colors on sweater * (sweater’s ugliness level/size of dog) to the power of # of neck folds =cuteness rating
You can then plot this cuteness rating on a spectrum ranging from small and adorable to big and cuddly.
We still don’t understand why ugly sweaters make things cute, but we can predict their patterns.
WARNING: This may not be factual whatsoever.