We’re a special breed, us dog owners. We take in rambunctious little creatures and make them a part of our home. Then we kind of make our home around them. Before we know it, we’re calling ourselves a dog person and consider treats to just be one of those things you need like keys or a wallet when you leave the house.
1. “I just have to go home and let Daisy out.”
No, I don’t have some girl named Daisy trapped in my house. Dogs have to pee and we don’t want them doing it in the house, so if you’ve asked a dog owner to hang out after work, chances are they’ve gotta let the doggie out for walk and a tinkle.
2. “Do you need a big or small one?”
This usually comes after you ask for a lint brush. Lint brushes are our salvation, without them we’d be as hairy as our dogs.
3. “When my dog woke me up today.”
Dog owners don’t use alarm clocks, they might have them, but our dogs are the real alarm clocks. Although they haven’t quite figured out daylight savings time yet, or a snooze button.
4. “Yeah, lemme’ just feed my dog first.”
Dog owners know that dogs can only be so patient. An unfed dog usually results in something being eaten or destroyed. We’ll usually put a dog’s supper time before our own.
5. “Of course I have a bag!”
As they hand you a poo bag right after you asked for a plastic bag. Just a plastic bag.
6. “Don’t worry, Jenny will clean it up.”
When dog owners drop food on the floor, it’s a little hard not to be a little envious of their indifference. They know they dropped food, but don’t care because a lovely little doggy named Jenny comes and picks it up for them.
7. “Where did all my socks go?”
Dogs just have this thing with feet, and socks are like edible feet to them. Don’t leave your feet where they can be stolen.
8. “C’mon, lets go to the bathroom!”
The dog owner in this situation could be asking their dog if they need to go outside or asking for company in the bathroom. They poop in front of you after all, it makes sense that they wouldn’t see anything strange with the opposite.
9. “Sorry about the hair.”
You’ll hear this every day if you’re friends with a dog owner. Usually upon entering their house, apartment, car, or anywhere else really.
10. “Can you help me carry this bag of food?”
Dog food comes in all sizes, from the minuscule to the monstrous. If you know a dog owner who buys in bulk, chances are you’ve seen some of these enormous bags of chow.
11. “Good boy! Oh god… sorry… thank you.”
We say it so often to our dogs, it’s easy to say it to someone else, however it is irreparably awkward afterwards. Our dogs make us so happy, we can associate being happy with our dogs. Think about it, when are you happier than hanging out with your dog? That being said, there is no way to explain this to someone in the heat of the moment.
12. “It was the dog.”
I think we’ve all blamed one on the dog before.
13. “Mama’s home!”
You don’t have to give birth to a dog to call yourself mama. In fact, most of the people who call themselves mama have never given birth to a dog.
14. “Don’t roll in that! Oh no, he’s rolling in that.”
This looks like a lot of fun, getting a running start would give you an even better slide.