Ah, the complexities of being a cat parent. Cats somehow manage to be simultaneously annoying and adorable, showing their affection in the most bizarre ways, but always leaving us wanting more elusive cat love.
So how can a pet that spends most of its time sleeping or ignoring you have such an impact on your life? Only cat lovers get it.
Here are nine things cat parents wish you knew. The struggle is real.
1. Cats have no boundaries
There is no such thing as privacy when cats are around. In fact, whenever you want them to leave you alone is exactly when they will decide now is the perfect time to receive your undivided attention.
If you’ve ever tried to close a door on a cat, you should know this is merely an invitation for kitty to scratch, claw or ram said door at top speed. Eating, bathing and sleeping are all activities that shall only take place while your cat stares at you, unblinking.
2. Work time = kitty playtime
If it involves paper, writing utensils or a keyboard, your cat will inevitably be all up in it.
3. Keep the Meow Mix flowing…or else.
Cats may have hunter instincts, but they also know they can manipulate their humans into delivering the goods straight into their bowl. Even when feeding time is at at 5 a.m., sharp, and their dish is still three-quarters full.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that should you ever decide to stock up on a particular brand of food, your cat will refuse to ever eat it again.
4. But your food is better
No, they don’t really want to eat it. They just want to sniff it, paw at it, pounce on it and prevent you from enjoying it.
5. Human slaves must know their role
Being a cat parent means understanding you are nothing more than a food bowl-filling, chin-scratching, red dot-purveying, warm lap for naptime. You may commence worshipping.
6. Cuddling may happen only at kitty’s discretion
You want some of this cat love? Not a chance. Oh, you have to use the bathroom/get out of bed/leave the house? But it’s time for aggressive licking and head butting and look how cute I am!
7. Spastic unexplained behaviour is to be expected
There is a theory cats are alien beings from outer space, which would mean crab-walking down the hall at alarming speed, shadow boxing the air and leaping headfirst into a wall are all simply reactions to signals from the mother ship.
8. Cat toys are so passé
No matter how bright, fuzzy or catnip-filled a toy may be, there is a good chance your cat will want nothing to do with it. But a piece of string, empty box or priceless possession of great value and importance to the human will entertain for hours.
9. But we’ll always let our cats walk all over us (and they do)